Friday, January 29, 2010

From the blender in my brain:

Dabbling: I've been dabbling in so many fabric/sewing things lately. It's been fun (messy) and now I've just found some more to try! As I get some projects completed and have the time to photograph them I'll share. A "rug", a huge bag, a couple doll quilts, a table runner pieced quilt. Fun stuff I say!

Sadness: Many of you know that we spent a significant amount of time in the hospital with our boyo shortly after he was born. During that time we met a number of parents in similar circumstances (Thank You Ronald McDonald House--a very noble and supportive group that helps to provide housing for families close to hospitals). Similar in that we were all there because of a child in the hospital. The children's difficulties ranged widely. They included kidney failure, heart malformation and transplantation, cancer, emotional trauma and recovery from attempted suicide. We haven't been very good at keeping in touch with most of those people except for one family whose time at the hospital seemed to coincide pretty directly with ours. Their 18 month old had cancer. She's been in remission for some time but it has re-occurred and they've made the difficult decision to pursue treatment. My heart aches for them. Regardless of the outcome.

It also takes me back to those shadows in my mind that I try most of the time to keep swept back. I remember with clarity some of those experiences. Some of them, many of them are still very tender, very sore. Some of them are filled with gratitude for the health practitioners who took extra time with us. Who knew our names not just "Mom and Dad". Who encouraged us to take time for ourselves. The gratitude extends to those we already loved before we encountered the difficulties and the support that they provided us both physically and emotionally. It reminds me of loneliness and abandonment--even in the midst of all that support. It also reminds me of the frequent loss we watched as we would return to our tiny one's bedside to discover "our neighbors" had been replaced by a "wet floor" sign left after housekeeping had cleaned up. I also remember this that no matter what length of time we might have with our children it is ours to enjoy and appreciate as we will. We get to choose. We get to hold them close and have them. Moments are precious. Time together is precious. Frustrations, though they are also a real part of that time, pass. Treasure the moments.

The swirling in my head seems to be refusing to release anything else, so I'll sign off for today.


SHAKS Watts said...

Thanks for sharing your swirling thoughts, Chiska. I cannot even imagine the grief parents must feel or the magnitude of the decisions along the way. And thanks to all those in health care that care, by their actions.

GPT said...

Thanks Chiska! I need to do better!